Early this week I found myself stuck in the muck and ooze of life. Usually I see that giant life sucking goop pond in front of me and walk around. Nope. Not this week, it seemed that the hill I was on just kept slanting just a little more. And, instead of turning around and climbing out, what did I do. Yep, sat right down as if it was a ride at a theme park and slid right down with a giant SPLASH!
I think that sometimes it's important to waller in a little grief and self pity...now, I wouldn't suggest the delusional depth that I sank to, but even at that, here I am on Saturday, able to write about it.
I'm not the greatest at confrontation. I've gotten much better at speaking my mind, and following and trusting, my gut. Now, I'm talking specifically about my son, who is in middle school. He has trichotillomania, that's where you pull out hairs, they can be arm hair, facial hair, the hair on your head. It's a nervous condition, likened to nail biting, fidgeting, a coping mechanism, that then takes on a life of it's own. You can imagine that in middle school, heading off to school with a lopsided thinning head of hair, well, that could be a bit difficult. Still, everyone needs to go to school, and life is always full of obstacles, it's in the climbing over that makes us strong and realize that we can do it....Yeah, oh big strong blog-writer Brenda. I hate it! It makes my stomach all churned up inside and makes me want to vomit....this situation also does the same thing to my son....anxious vomiting...which then...he gets his head all wrapped around it, and then being the brilliant 13 year old that he is...hmmm...I can use this to get out of school...Yeah, I know, arrrgghhhh! So, I indulged for a day, as allergies are crazy bad, and let him stay home. Day 2 comes. and I'm starting to feel a slight twinge of falsification on his part...but, he was hot, so it could be a bug....Day 3....forget it!!! sick or not sick, hair or no hair...your going to school. So here, I sound all tough on the outside, but inside, I'm a jumble of knots, and not knowing and feeling like the crappiest mother in the world...he's now late for school and I call to let them know he is coming..."why is he tardy", Umm, he was vomiting, so he needed to clean up. "your sending your kid to school vomiting?" Yep. thank you.
So, there is the long version of sliding into the muck and mire of life. Failure to the school, Failure to my child. Failure to all the Mother's in the World. Of course, I'm being dramatic, but sometimes, when you aren't in the "right" frame of mind, that's all it takes for you to sit down, and slide the rest of the way down.
Fortunately, I'm educated enough to know, kick your own ass, or else this is going to be much more painful than it needs to be. So, Wednesday, a partook in a nice long walk downtown, and then to the library where I found this wonderful book
"Stupid Sock Creatures" by John Murphy. Wonderful!!!
Nothing like some fresh air and silliness to bring me back.
Smiles to All,